(Nimue)
We should listen to victims and take them seriously. However, not everyone who thinks they are a victim really is, and that's what I want to talk about in this post. For me, justice is a really important part of Druidry. That means not ignoring people who express distress, and not imagining that doing nothing is a morally neutral position. Doing nothing is a response that supports and enables injustice.
This is an issue that relates to privilege. People who have power and privilege often feel really entitled, and will assume they are being victimised if anything doesn't go their way. If they present with hurt feelings that can be misleading. They may describe being attacked, bullied and mistreated when that isn't a fair assessment of the situation. It isn't always possible to establish the context, though. Here are some typical examples of things that are not abuse, that entitled people will claim is abusive when it happens to them.
Not being given a platform, or an audience. The audience not being obliged to be nice to them.
Being held to account for bad behaviour, hate speech, bigotry and cruelty. Also being held to account for actual crimes, actual abuses, violence, lying, fraud, etc etc.
Being given a clear no – especially around unwanted sexual attention. Being told not to touch, not to invade personal space and that they are not being offered sex is not abuse, being told you are not entitled to use or access other people's bodies is perfectly fair and reasonable.
Having privileges pointed out.
Not having their power/authority respected – or people not going along with their assertions of authority and entitlement.
Being declined special treatment or a free pass.
We see all of this far too frequently around celebrities and politicians – people who often think that their social status and wealth should give them the freedom to do what they like. Challenging this kind of power is not abusive, but it does make them really uncomfortable. They should be uncomfortable. Unfortunately they are likely to use their power to further attack anyone who questions their victimhood.
Of course this can happen in other contexts too. Abusers of power can be an issue anywhere power is held. Those who handle power badly will use that power to defend themselves from fair criticism, and calling abuse if someone questions what they do is sadly not unusual. I've seen it in so many different contexts over the years. Power does not corrupt people, but people who feel entitled do not use power in good ways.
Call someone out and you run the risk of being the next person they will announce has been abusing them.
When you are caught up in this kind of mess, it can be hard to know what to do. It can be very difficult establishing what's going on. My general advice is to avoid punishment, and look for answers that create safety. Be alert to who is able to wield power – those who have most power have most responsibility. Look for the kindest solutions, and think carefully about the prices people are asked to pay to move things forwards.
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