(Nimue)
This last year has been very much about making my Paganism more embodied, and healing my body as I go. I have a history of disassociating. I'm very good at it. I've used it to deal with relentless body pain, as an escape from physical cruelty, and to try and deal with what lack of physical stimulation does to my brain. That last issue I think was being made worse by disassociating, but there we go. When all you've got is a hammer, as they say, problems tend to look like nails.
Much of the body pain is stiffness caused by the hypermobility, and tension caused by stress. When stress was a constant issue for me, there wasn't much I could do but ignore it. Keeping a body calm and comfortable takes resources and opportunities I mostly didn't have. Being able to take the time to relax and do soothing things is important for being well. So is not being stressed out of your mind in the first place.
What I have now feels like a soft animal body that I can inhabit. I am still sore a lot but nothing like the levels of pain I used to deal with. Sleeping better helps my body relax and recover, too. Gentle, physical affection in an ongoing way turns out to have a massively soothing effect, dialling down the stress and helping me to be more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin. This has been quite a surprising process.
It's not easy being a Pagan when you're also expending a lot of mental effort trying not to notice that you even have a body. I don't recommend it at all. Being able to enjoy and celebrate the experience of being alive has changed my spiritual life, from something ideas-based into something I live in an entirely different way. Having room for nature in my own body makes me feel more connected to the world around me. I feel like I'm part of the world, not separate from it, and this has really helped my mental health, too.
There's so much pressure on us as people to live in ways that fundamentally deny our animal selves. It's not good for mental or physical health to try and function like working machinery and to ignore what our bodies need. Rest and peace are such vital things. We all need gentleness and downtime, scope to play and relax. Our mammal selves struggle with overstimulation and relentless work. The more room I make for this body I have, the less I suffer.
What does your creature-self need right now? What parts of your animal self are you obliged to deny? What can you do today to honour nature as it is expressed by your own body? No matter how pressured you feel to be a machine, these are always questions worth asking.
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