I'm Not A Preacher Of Love, But These Are All The Reasons To Get Married

Konge

Nov 30

I worked hard to get a good SEO score on this title. If you don't read it to the end, we will fight, please. If you are like me who needs convincing to consider love and get married, this post is for you.

I would first and most importantly like to say that marriage is good. It is awesome, in fact. God designed and ordained marriage. You have to want to do it. Unless, you have very valid reason not to. I just hope that your reason would be valid enough to not make our mother tell the world that you want to kill her.

Your mum when you tell her you don't want to get married.

Let's make this short, so you don't get bored. Why should you get married?

To Have A Wife/Husband

I know this sounds basic, but having a spouse means that you get a ring and you also get to tell everybody that you have a partner unprovoked. When someone says "good morning", you reply them "My husband has a good morning too."

If you are in a work meeting and they talk about the next steps to take in the coming year, tell them that your wife also walks and know how to take steps. Then you flash your ring at your boss and the HR manager. Even if they consider firing you, they can't take your ring or marriage away.

You also get to call your spouse "my husband" or "my wife" at random times during the day, giggle and say "nothing" when they answer. You have to remind them as well that you are married to them and nothing can take that away from you. Purr.

To Excuse Yourself From Inconvenient Engagements

All the other excuses are getting old. I personally like to say "I'll put it into consideration, knowing full well that I'm not considering anything and I will just call the day before the engagement to say the classic "I don't think I can make it". I will make it in Jesus name.

Those excuse are boring and let's face it, actual lies. Just because you are too chicken to disappoint people to their face with your full chest. Anyway, when you get married, you can have someone to hide under. Just tell the person "I will ask my wife". Your wife doesn't control you, but you have to give them the impression that you make every minute decision together. Hence, they will think twice before inviting you anywhere again.

If you are one of the victims of this lie from married people, the trick is to ask both of them together at the same time. They'll make the decision there or lie about considering it like single people. If you are married and giving the single people excuse, you are a chicken. Bye.

To Have A Personal Servant

I would have said personal assistant, but a PA won't have to give you a massage after a long day. A servant however has to do your bid all the time.

Need to drive somewhere? Call your man. Need to lift anything? Call your husband. Need to prepare food? Act clueless and call your wife. Pregnant and need someone to get you octopus peppersoup at 12am? What else is your husband doing with his life? Most importantly, you shouldn't be lifting a finger to do anything. Let your wife do it.

This especially is amazing for the women, unless you are upholding the Pay Tree A Key, then I won't be there when they drag you for turning your wife into a slave. This is still not an excuse not to be kind to your husband, please. Don't go and say "Konge said". I will deny you.

So You Can Gain More Weight

Look, avoid men if you are trying to lose or maintain a certain weight. They are not good people and per the intel I got from their meeting on October 24th, 1653, they made it a point of order to feed women till they can no longer move. You think they are doing it out of love, but no, it is wickedness,

You meet a man and before you know it, you can't zip your pants up because it's now 2 sizes smaller and your bum is 2x bigger.

— Chilo (@ChilotamOjukwu) November 29, 2023

On the flip side, if you need to gain weight, marry. This applies to both men and women. Somehow, the peace of mind and not having to constantly run away from evil people on these streets makes you gain weight. forget all those meal plans they told you about. Marriage is the ultimate weight gain program. 100% no fail rate.