Five for Friday

Suzanne

Jul 21

My poor husband is STILL not caught up on sleep after his call week, so I am continuing to make his coffee for him every night when he inevitably falls asleep early before taking care of it. Tonight, I managed to grind the coffee beans for too long – the grinder makes a terrific racket, but somehow I stuffed it into the far reaches of my overstuffed brain and just FORGOT that it was on, merrily grinding away. So I ground too many beans and had extra grounds, and so as not to waste them, I made myself a pot of coffee this morning and now I am at the Visible Trembling stage of caffeination.

Also, I have SIX PHONE CALLS to make today. SIX!!!! That is too many phone calls! How will I get through them all?!?! That is why I am procrastinating. Although no one is quite awake yet, I think. So I am just wasting time until I have to CALL people. So many people!

What kinds of flowers should I buy? We are about to list our house for sale. (ACK!) The realtor had a few suggestions for how we should spruce up our house. Most of the suggestions were very simple: remove family photographs, clear surfaces, thin the books on the bookshelves. Okay, I can do those things. But at the very end of her visit, when we were touring the outside of my house, she said, "Add some flower pots to the front here." I dutifully wrote this down, but honestly I have no idea what she means. No idea! I am happy to buy more flowers – of all the things I can spend Sprucing Money on, flowers are at least FUN and PRETTY, at least until I kill them. But I don't know what she means or how to execute whatever it is she envisions. (She is a wonderful realtor and human, but I will be unable to get any additional suggestions from her. When I tried to gently prod, she said, "You can look it up online.") (I looked it up online and am STILL CLUELESS. I even walked around our neighborhood to try to find things to emulate, and nothing!) Do you know what I should do? Do I buy a bunch of marigolds and shove them into the ground around the perimeter of the beds? Also, we have DEER, who are JERKS. (They just ate all the beautiful, flourishing petunias in my backyard, the jerks.) How would you spruce up this area with color? Here is a photo of what it looks like now:

I will note that Carla's rock pile has been relocated. She was allowed to keep seven precious rocks. The others now make up the border of another, smaller bed.

Also, my petunias are hanging in there, by the skin of their teeth. I hate to toss them, since they are still blooming. But they are so RAGGEDY. Tell me, should I say goodbye to the petunias (not pictured, due to raggedyness) and get something else? (And if so, WHAT?) This whole area of the house gets lots of direct sunlight (we face east), so I think the petunias are suffering from a combination of benevolent overwatering and sun crisping.

I have been totally slacking on my exercise routines. I have also been eating more comfort foods (nachos, pizza) than I want to be eating at this time in my life, but listen. Sometimes you just need to eat what you want to eat. Sometimes nachos feed the SOUL. But the exercise! I NEED that, for my mental health. And I have just not been finding time. Also, the last couple of times I have managed to grab an extra 30-60 minutes to devote to working out, I have injured myself. I did a really great workout (it was a Tracy Steen workout, but I can't find the specific one), but it had some lunges and on one lunge I felt a muscle in the side of my thigh just… clench, I guess is the word. It hurt, at the time, and then it was painful to walk for a few days, but then it was fine. And then the next workout I tried had SO MANY LUNGES. I need to not do lunges, I think. I know some people avoid burpees in a workout (I get it; I am not a fan), but I need to avoid lunges for awhile now. I wish I knew a good alternative to lunges, like a modification that I could do that would work similar bodyparts without straining anything. I also tried tacking a seven-minute ab workout on after a brisk walk outside, and it was SO HARD. How can a seven-minute workout be SO HARD? (It was so hard.)

No matter how many interviews I give, I never get less nervous. Interviewing subject-matter experts has been a part of my writing work for… decades now. I like interviewing people and learning about their passions and getting them to talk about how they got involved with a particular industry and discovering what makes them get out of bed in the morning. It's invigorating, talking to someone about something they love. And yet, I still get SO ANXIOUS in the hours leading up to these calls! Yes, calls! They are not even in-person interviews! Sweaty palms, knotted stomach. I am also one of those people who can't accomplish anything else until an appointment is over. Maybe not, like, a doctor's appointment. But certainly if I am speaking with a subject-matter expert in advance of writing something about/for them, I can think of nothing else until the call is over. This works out okay if the call takes place first thing in the morning. But if the person I'm speaking with is in a different time zone, forget about it. The day is TOAST.

Speaking of things that make me anxious: I had an initial consultation with a therapist. I was, of course, deeply anxious about every step of the interaction, from the initial email to the actual call. But she seems very nice and comes highly recommended from a friend. So we'll see how it goes. She was very upfront about saying that if we have a few sessions and I don't feel like she's the right fit, she will happily help me find someone who will be a better fit. I liked that. I feel really, really stupid about pursuing therapy. My life is full of gifts. I am, in the majority, happy and healthy. Also, I am extremely self-centered and so have thought a lot about what my "issues" are, so I'm not sure a therapist will have a lot to add in terms of insights. (That's a very arrogant way to think, I see that.) And yet, I do think I could benefit from therapy. Especially if I can learn some techniques to help avoid negative self-talk and to be more proactive about expressing my needs/boundaries and to be a better/more patient parent. I also think that if I had a friend in my position, I would encourage her to reach out for some therapeutic input. So I am trying to be my own friend. I'm doing it. But I still feel like I might potentially be wasting this person's time, and/or be taking up a slot that could be going to someone who REALLY needs it.

I bought something(s). Because we are in a phase of CULLING, not in a phase of acquisition (unless you count acquiring packing paper and bubble wrap and endless boxes), I have been trying to discourage BUYING THINGS. But… Loft got me. There's this dress that I bought last year that I LOVE. It is literally the only thing I own that always gets compliments when I wear it. It is SO comfortable and SO flattering. Plus, you can just throw a denim jacket over it in the fall and wear it then, too. Then this summer, Loft came out with the same dress in a few different colors. I resisted buying any of them ALL SUMMER, and then Loft had a $40-dresses sale, and I even resisted THAT. But each time they sent me an email advertising the dress, I would go look at it… and even put it in my cart. And then of course I would get emails saying, "Don't forget…" or "It looks like you left something behind…" or "Lots of people are buying this dress, don't miss out" and all other sorts of super creepy tracker-y things that I hate and yet were hugely effective. I kept thinking about the dress and thinking about it. And finally it was on sale for 48% off – just a little more than the $40 it was at its lowest. So I bought it in three other colors. They haven't arrived yet, and I can and will take back one or all should they not be as cute as the original. But I'm kind of excited about having more dresses.

What are you thinking about this Friday?

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