Where are all the spoons?
We have a spoon thief in our midst. Or a spoon exodus. Spoon seepage.
I don't know where they are going, or why. We don't eat food anywhere in the house that's not the kitchen, so I can't imagine they are scattered throughout the house like some sad scavenger hunt. My husband brings a spoon with him to work every day, but he's meticulous (I almost typed maniacal which is probably also accurate) about swapping out the old spoon for a new one each morning, so I am certain he isn't hoarding spoons at the office.
And yet, the spoons are evaporating as if into thin air! Six small spoons remain. SIX. By contrast, I have 16 large spoons, which makes me think we are down TEN WHOLE SPOONS. How? Why? Where? This seems to be a recent development – my husband estimates he started noticing the spoon sloughage in August. What happened in our lives in August that would result in mass spoon flight?
This is not ALL of our silverware, but it is a good idea of how alarming the spoon situation has become. Also, if you look closely, you will see that one of the small spoons is really a spork. There is no reasonable explanation for this.
Six spoons is barely enough for the three of us. But when we have guests, it's most definitely not enough. Four family members joined us last week for dinner, and I stupidly served crème brûlée for dessert. A dessert that requires spoons. To ensure we had enough spoons for dessert, I was strict about making sure we didn't use ANY small spoons for anything else, even though we had all sorts of little dishes that required spoons: sour cream, salsa, guacamole, onions. I have a couple of tiny silicone-tipped spoons leftover from Carla's babyhood that I used as condiment spoons. We also have a couple of random spoons that we added to our collection in various ways; I think one came with a lunchbox set? Another I may have had since college? And Carla somehow acquired a spork somewhere, so that was set into service as well. Still, despite my vigilance, I ended up eating my crème brûlée with a fork.
(I realize some readers may be wondering: why not just use the spoons for dinner, then handwash them before dessert? But that is not how I roll.)
Here's another consideration: my husband and I kind of hate our flatware. I mean, we chose it, back when we got engaged. We both liked the style, we both liked the solidity and weight of each piece. But once we had all the sets of silverware in our possession, we quickly grew to despise them.
They are made by Nambe, and the metal quickly developed brownish spots. The website, if I recall correctly, said this was normal and we could get rid of them by doing… something. But the spots kept appearing and eventually I just gave up. They aren't DIRT spots. As with many things you ignore, they have become invisible to me with time.
Worse is that the rounded sides of the handles make it impossible to balance/lean a fork/knife/spoon against a plate or bowl. They just… slide right off whatever edge you've balanced them on and into your food. Super annoying.
Worst of all is that each piece – whose heft we originally loved – is so heavy, things constantly unbalance and flip off the edge of plates or bowls and onto the floor, flecking everything in the vicinity with food. SO ANNOYING.
We have talked (grumbled) for YEARS about replacing our silverware. We've perused silverware sets in all sorts of retail establishments. But we always come back to: this silverware is perfectly serviceable and perfectly nice, we can't just get rid of it and buy all new stuff. So we've soldiered on.
But now that the spoons have dwindled so severely… I'm wondering: is the spoon migration a good excuse for us to finally find new flatware? And if so, what would we choose? And if not, can I just buy more small spoons???? I suppose I should look into that, first. Hold, please. Nope, it seems that Nambe is no longer producing our nearing-twenty-year-old flatware. What would you do?
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