"I found out about the dormouse," said Alice.
"Found out what?" asked the rabbit.
"I thought he was a door mouse, but he's a dormouse."
"I don't think it matters and there's no time to think about it because I'm taking you to meet the Queen of Hearts."
"You are?"
"I am."
"Why?"
"Because she heard about you and said I had to bring you to her, or she'd cut off my head."
"She wouldn't really do that, would she?"
"Yes."
"Oh, dear," said Alice. "Then we must go at once."
"YOU ARE THE ALICE?" asked the Queen, pointing at her.
"I am," said Alice. "I mean I'm Alice, not THE Alice."
"I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOU."
"You don't even know me."
"IMMATERIAL."
"No it's not, and you're being rather rude, if you ask me."
"I DID NOT ASK YOU," shouted the Queen. "OFF WITH HER HEAD!"
"Don't be ridiculous," said Alice. "You can't go around cutting the heads off of everyone. Who do you think you are?"
"I AM THE QUEEN."
"And?"
"I CAN DO AS I PLEASE AND SOMEONE STOLE MY TARTS."
"Sorry about the tarts, but the head removal thing is a really bad idea. If you cut off enough heads there won't be anyone left to rule over."
The rabbit stood rooted to the ground, his hat held in both paws, his eyes shut tight.
"HMMM," said the Queen, picking up a flamingo. "YOU MEAN I WON'T HAVE ANY HEADS LEFT TO CUT OFF?"
"That too. And you might want to be nice to the people who live here."
"WHY?"
'"Because it's the right thing to do and my mother said you can catch more flies with honey than without it."
"WHAT IS A FLY?"
"It's a small insect with wings and I'm guessing you don't have them here," said Alice, looking around.
The Queen grabbed a flamingo, and tried to hit Alice with him. The bird curled up as much as he could, his eyes wide with fear.
"You are such a mean person," said Alice, stomping her foot, "That's animal abuse. I don't know how anyone could ever follow you. I know I won't," she said, pulling the flamingo out of the Queen's hands and walking away.
The Queen stood there, mouth hanging open...shock in her eyes. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!" she screamed, and watched the rest of the flamingoes follow Alice and the rabbit across the grass.
"She's mean and crazy."
"We're going to die," said the rabbit, matter of factly.
"Everyone's going to die," said Alice, "but we aren't going to die by her hand."
"Yes," said the rabbit. "We are."
The flamingo's stood around the tea table and waited. They didn't know what they were waiting for, but they were waiting nonetheless.
"You're free," said Alice to the birds.
They stared at her blankly.
"That means you can go anywhere you like and do anything you want to do."
"Where, exactly, would you like them to go?" asked the rabbit.
"Wherever flamingoes go."
"There is no place for them to go."
"There's no lake around here?"
"Oh," said the rabbit, quickly. "There is a lake."
"Let's lead them there," said Alice, running her finger across the frosting of a new cake.
The flamingoes settled in quite nicely. After about half an hour they looked very much at home. Alice and the rabbit stayed with them for awhile, then went back for more tea and cake.
"Sometimes it's hard for those who have been captive, or had their minds stolen, to be free...at least in the beginning," said Alice. "Being able to think for yourself might take some time, after being told what to do for years and years. But I think they'll be happy on their own. At least they won't be used as weapons by that out of control, spoiled brat, you call a queen.
"You're a strange girl," said the rabbit.
"I'm not," said Alice. "I just come from a different place than you do.
"The Queen of Hearts has put an OWTH order out on both of you," said the Hatter, licking his fork.
"What does that mean?" asked Alice, looking at the rabbit.
"It means Off With Their Heads."
"So, it's kind of like a Wanted Poster?"
"That's exactly what it is," said the rabbit.
"Ah. I guess she's not going to change her stance on that point."
The rabbit made a funny sound in his throat, then sat in his chair.
"Look, said Alice. "The Queen's army is made out of playing cards. All we have to do is either tear them in half, gather them up and put them back in the box they came out of, or..."
"Tear them in half?" asked the rabbit, horrified. "You mean kill them?"
"Oh, yeah. I didn't think about that part," said Alice. "Let's ask the dormouse for advice."
"You can't," said the cat. "He's out looking for office space."
"You can talk?" said Alice, staring at the Cheshire.
"When I feel like it."
"We need a plan," said Alice, cutting another slice of cake.
The rabbit looked at his watch, closed it, picked up his tea cup, took a sip, and said, "We don't have much time."
"Isn't there a grackle in this story?" asked Alice.
"It's a KRAKAN, not a grackle," said the cat, "I mean, really, a grackle?"
"Sorry. I knew it was something like that," said Alice. "Maybe the KRAKAN can help us."
The rabbit started hitting his head against the table.
"Now what?" asked Alice. "What did I do this time?"
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