(Nimue)
I recently saw a friend on Facebook mention what they were doing as part of their self care strategy and it struck me that this is a brilliant idea. So many of us struggle with looking after ourselves. If there are a lot of demands on your time and energy then it's all too easy for your own needs to end up at the bottom of the list. I see working mums in my friends circle struggling with this especially. There are serious questions to ask about what we expect of each other and the kinds of pressures some people are under to put everyone else first.
Some years ago I worked out that while doing book promotion for other people is work I enjoy, I'm not great at doing it around my own work. I had to become deliberate about putting time for that into my working day and approaching it in a structured way. For anyone struggling with self care, a similar approach is well worth a thought. It's worth having a strategy.
The first step is to figure out what you need, what you're missing and what would make a real difference. Taking the time just to think about your own needs can require a radical shift of thinking if you aren't used to it. Getting the space to explore this can mean asking the people around you - at home or at work - to carry a fairer share of the burden. Maria DeBlassie has some good things to say about the importance of workspace boundaries and not being pressured into doing more than your job should entail. Her book Everyday Enchantments https://druidlife.wordpress.com/2021/01/16/everyday-enchantments-a-review/ is full of insights into self care and well worth checking out.
What helps? What lifts your spirits and nourishes your heart? What makes you feel good about yourself and about being alive? Self care isn't just moisturising cream and a relaxing bath. If your way of life doesn' meet your needs then self care can take you into challenging territory. But, what are we doing with this one precious life if it isn't joyful and satisfying? What are we here for if it doesn't include living rich and rewarding lives? Finding out what that means for you and how to have more of it is an adventure, and requires thought and dedication.
Self care for me includes time with musicians. Shared music is a source of joy. Self care means having space for my physical self and a body with an intense array of physical needs around movement, touch, expression and interaction with the physical world. I have a brain that is perpetually hungry for input and taking care of it calls for a rich diet of fiction, nonfiction and experience. I've had to put in the time to understand myself and make sense of who I am in order to recognise these things, and now I'm investing in that insight to change how I live.
Self care can be a nice smelling soap and an early night, and it's good to get those basic things in the mix. For me, a self care strategy needs to include time in the landscape and has to deal with my need for novelty and adventure. I'm looking at the shape of my weeks and trying to make sure I budget in more of the things I need, and it's working well.
The great irony here is that self care isn't the enemy of productivity or usefulness. Running yourself into the ground is a surefire way of not being able to do much. At the moment I'm writing well, I'm inspired, I have energy, I'm getting good things done and am able to contribute more. Self care creates a state of bounty and means I have abundance to share - as could we all. I don't know who humans are so focused on creating systems of misery and scarcity, but I'm determined to change that in my own life as much as I can.
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