At one level, we're meaty containers full of chemical interactions. We're electrical impulses expressed between cells. There's a lot of room in there for things to go wrong, or to have not worked much in the first place.
At another level, brains are a bit like landscapes in that they change depending on how we use them. The knowledge and skills we develop actually grow as physical brain structures. The paths we habitually follow through our own minds grow deeper and more established with use just as physical paths do. That's great when you're learning a tune and a nightmare when your brain runs down the abject terror track at the slightest provocation.
One of the bits of my brain that doesn't really work, is the reward system - which is a dopamine issue. This shows up for me most obviously around computer games, where I am prone to all of the addiction aspects but I get no pay off. My inability to get reward-hits in the way most people do can leave me feeling hollowed out and exhausted. My guess is that as I use dopamine heavily for willpower, I don't have much to spare for anything else.
There are workarounds, though. I am able to feel contentment, I can take pleasure in things, I can enjoy doing them and so forth. There are other emotions/chemicals I can engage that substitute in well, so long as I'm careful. I don't get the quick fire reward feelings that most people enjoy when they play computer games. I don't get those quick hits from social media likes, either. However, when people tell me they like something I've done, I can take a moment for that, and in a slower, less exciting way I get to feel good about it. I can feel things around making other people happy, I can feel gratitude for their responses, and on the whole this is enough.
It's taken me years to figure this out. It helps that I enjoy reading scientific content on the functioning of the human brain. There was a really challenging module on the biological basis of behaviour back in my university days, and I've never really got over how exciting I find the whole area. Learning in order to better understand myself is a process I find fulfilling in a slow and gentle way. Being able to manage my own head better, and being able to run my own chemistry so that I get the best out of it, are projects that give me a great deal.
I've never been keen to explore adding chemicals to my body chemistry in the hopes of fixing myself, although I wholeheartedly support anyone who wants to go that route. I am profoundly interested in what I can do to better manage the chemistry I've got. Figuring out how to get me working better as the person I am and with the chemistry available to me, is an ongoing process. As I figure more out, I'm becoming increasingly confident that I can change things for myself. This isn't about being positive enough to magically solve my issues, it's about being pragmatic and making the best of what I have. I can be good enough to be comfortable, and that's where I'm setting the bar at the moment.
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