The last time I had a full body massage was 6 years ago. The time before that was never. So, that was my first and last time.

I went to Tasmania with my best friend and before we flew home I thought it would be cool for us to kill some time and get massages. Neither of us have ever had a professional one. I remember entering this random place. It wasn't that well lit inside and was plastered with red. There was a few people waiting in the lobby and a woman with her husband who was telling the receptionist she got him a booking for his birthday. There weren't any women in there besides the ones working there.

We told the front woman that we wanted to have the massages for an hour and mentioned that we had to fly out shortly so preferred the massage together. Didn't matter if it was the same room we just needed to be out at the same time. They told us they didn't have enough staff and actually called up another place they had and made someone drive over just for us!

We ended up getting a room for the two of us which was great. We got to see the other persons discomfort level especially when we were told to strip off.

"I know you want to see me naked but try not to look" - Me

The whole thing was great. But a couple things did leave us asking some questions afterwards. Some things stuck out as… odd.

  • There were no women in there. None at all. Are you telling me no women (besides us) want to get a massage?
  • The rooms kind of looked a little… seedy.
  • No male staff.

I mean, that all doesn't indicate a "happy ending" place. I will add the place is called Asian Hands.

Maybe it was because I've never had someone other then a partner touch real high up on my thigh but that was surprising. They are masseuses though. But at that time, I was confused. Do they go that high usually?

Then I got thinking:

  • What would I do if she touched me? Would I go with it so I wouldn't embarrass her or would I straight up say no?
  • Would I have to pay extra even if I didn't actually say 'yes'?
  • How do these things work?

Nothing happened. There were no advances. But then I was offended.

  • Is this because I'm not a guy?
  • Are they being sexist?

Either way, I don't think it was one of those massage places (could be who knows… I'm a woman) but that was my FIRST massage experience ad despite my confusion, I liked it.

Today was my second time getting professionally rubbed. And this time there was no confusion. This was not a place for a 'happy ending'. I will say this though, in my research to find a decent one in my area I came upon A LOT of 'questionable' massage places. Based on the reviews which were either straight up saying how they had to decline advances or customers saying "Jill is the best! Guys… request Jill *smiley wink face*" it made my job a little difficult. And then of course finding one who's affordable. Seems the cheaper they were the more risk there was at being touched. And I wasn't going alone. I was bringing the boyfriend so that meant, him being touched. NOT ON MY WATCH! Or while I'm in the room next door. Or ever! But alas, I found one.

I booked myself in for 5pm and Brendan for 6:30pm. Seems they didn't get my booking so when I rocked up at 5pm they asked me to come back at 6 and they would have Brendan also come in at 6 too. Fine, that's cool. Left me walking around aimlessly for 30 minutes before Brendan said he'd come down and keep me company.

We finally got in. I got the older man and Brendan got the lady. We were in little curtained off areas next to each other so I could hear everything that was going on with everyone! Including Brendan. And I gotta admit, I was a little jealous. I was listening to this woman pinpoint problem areas for him as if she was a damn physio and all I got was a rub down. What about my problem areas older gentleman? To be honest he didn't speak much English. I'm sure if he did, he would have been more concerned about my sore points. Cause God knows I'm sore.

He was good though. But he didn't have a middle pressure massage. If that makes sense. He was going pretty light on me and I did ask him to go harder. Well, hard was basically bashing me. So I stopped suggesting cause I didn't want to explain what I wanted nor make myself look demanding. I just wanted a good time. That's all.

We got to the butt and Jesus, sometimes you forget you have a muscle there. That hurt! Hurt so good. The legs were probably the best for me. I thought I was going to be satisfied with the shoulders and neck but I guess you don't get your legs touched with force like that often so you don't realize that that part of the body needs some attention too.

Things got weird though. I didn't quite like this bit. The head massage. Boy, I don't know. Obviously, you have to put your head in the hole and that alone is something I fear. I mean, I basically paint my eyebrows on so putting my full face in there wasn't going to happen. As softly as I did rest my forehead in there, soon as the head rubbing started all I kept thinking was "I wonder if I'm going to walk out of here with a mono-brow, smudged or completely off'. It was going to be a surprise. Lucky for me when I got my head up… NO BROWS ON THE BED!!

Anyways, the guy started rubbing. It was okay. Then he started applying pressure. So much pressure. I'm pretty sure he was pretending my head was a fucking watermelon. He had 2 hands on either side pressing in as if he was trying to pop a balloon. Then it went in another direction, head scratching. I don't know why I would want that but I didn't mind it. Scratched some areas I haven't had people scratch before so that was cool.

But the highlight of whole thing was the 30 minute add on at the end. After the full body massage… the feet. 30 minutes of feet rubbing.

If there is one thing I love it's a foot massage.

I hate feet. Let that be known.

I hate all feet. I find them gross. But someone touching mine is fine. Don't even try giving me yours though. If I'm sitting on the couch and your beside me, there's about an 80% chance I will eventually put my feet on your lap and try to persuade you to give me a rub. I get that from my mom. That's what she would do when we were kids. I hated doing it. But.. still did it!

We ended with the feet and that was it.

An hour and a half of something I desperately needed. I'm not a stretcher. So my body is basically one rock hard muscle and I'm not talking toned and fit. I'm talking bent up, hunched over and needing a good cracking. Which is the next thing I need to do.

I intend on making this a regular thing though. Maybe I'll try going through all the staff just to test them out and see which one fits my "type".

FYI everyone
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