I don't want this to be a "woe is me" post. I don't want sympathy and I'm not asking for attention. It's more of a self (self, self, self) realization.

I'm lonely.

I actually am.

Tonight is the first time I've been alone in years. I spent the day working and decorating my bedroom with fairy lights and a new quilt set. I gotta admit I'm pretty proud.

The boyfriend worked in the office today and then went out for drinks after work.

I called my mom for a couple hours and talked about stuff.

I made chicken wings and ordered a pizza.

10pm.

I decided I'm not actually hungry anymore.

I called one of my friends but I think she's asleep.

My other friend, I wont bother her cause I'm sure she's busy or out doing something.

The boyfriend is out and acting like I'm interrogating him cause I decided to call him 5 hours after he finished work to find out when he was coming home. I'm not interrogating by the way. I'm making sure he's okay because he's driving home and I was checking to make sure he's pacing himself. Sometimes we forget to do that.....

I didn't cry. Although I felt like it a little.

I don't have many people in my life. And the people I have in my life.... have people in theirs.

Sometime I wish I knew someone who needed me as much as I needed them.

But I've come to realize to have that, they would have to be one lonely, isolated, sad motherfucker. Maybe then we'd meet on that level.

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